Hebrews 3:14 For if we are faithful in the end, trusting God just as firmly as when we first believed we will share in all that belongs to Christ.
I asked Jesus into my heart at 9... I had cried that day at church and was told later that day what was stirring in my heart... I made the decision more because I was told to. Over the years I rededicated my life more than a few times.... I wanted to know God.... My babies came along and we got in Church because we wanted them to know God. I tried to be a good person. I tried to be a good mom and teach my children about God.... We read Bible stories each night. We said prayers with them each night until they were were probably in the 5th and 3rd grades. I prayed for people when they asked. I prayed for my kids to have a good life. I often heard people talk about their relationships with God in a way that made me wonder what it was that I didn't know. My son grew up going to RA camp each summer .... he loved it!! He knew God.... I always felt like God loved him special in some way because he seemed to really know God. My prayers were simple prayers...which is fine... but they were more like prayers at God...not to God... they were not prayers where I actually talked with God. I was probably pretty much as faithful as I was when I first believed... because all I knew was that if I asked Jesus into my heart I would be saved.... this is true!!... but I didn't know or understand at all how, HOW to have a relationship with God. I was always searching for what was missing in my life...I had a wonderful husband, still do! Precious children....I had all that I even knew to ask for...... but I was often anxious and depressed... overwhelmed by life. John-Robert would talk about praying...I would ask, "What do you say in your prayers, John-Robert?" He would say I just talk to God all the time...I tell him about my days. If you asked me if I loved God I would tell you yes. But, it was because I was suppose to love God.... like you love that aunt you don't really know..and see only at Christmas. If you asked me if I was going to heaven I always thought, "I sure hope so." I wanted to be a good person... I wanted to be a Christian... I wanted to "know" God. I just didn't know how to know God. Nobody really told me how.
Then one day my son gave me a One Year Bible for Christmas... well when your child gives you a One Year Bible... that is all separated by days... so that you can get through it on a year... you read that Bible!! I started reading on January 1st 2010.... at first it was so confusing to me... but I kept reading. The Bible tells us that if we seek wisdom, wisdom will come to us (James 1:5). The more I read... the more I began to understand. The more I read the more my prayers changed. I was building a relationship with God. I was learning to know God!! Then one day I was at the doctors office... I met a young lady there... not by chance I now know!!...God put her in my path... she remembered me enough to find me on Facebook..then after a few weeks she invited me to Bible Study. I kept reading my Bible...and by this time I was writing about a verse or a few verses that I read...learning so much while I wrote! I didn't know it but what I was doing was meditating on God's word when I wrote. Joshua 1:8 tells us if we meditate on God's word we will be prosperous and successful....I was getting prosperous and successful...I was gaining wisdom...I was building a relationship with God. That meditation was causing God's word to go from my head to my heart. I started going to the Bible study I was invited to..... and learning so much... and little did I know it...but I was surrounding myself with Godly people who would become my dear friends. I am learning so much from each one of them... learning how they apply God's word to their lives... and they too are learning from me.
I love God more today than I did two years ago...I love God more today than I did a year ago... Why? Because, I know God more... I know more how much God loves me... I actually know how much God loves me... I seek to know more and more and more!!! Do I aways do it right? Oh, no!! But, I am trying and getting better...and better ...and better.... I have learned to hear the Holy Spirit inside of me guiding me... I hear him better each day!!.. Am I sometimes fooled by the devil, you bet I am... but, I am learning... I am seeking after God, I am seeking to know God more... I am seeking wisdom...and applying it. Those years of doing it wrong...they are still all tangled up inside me and often I find myself going back to my old habits...then the Holy Spirit nudges me and I get back on track. The more I hide God's word in my heart the more I make right choices. To keep on track I have to keep making the effort... the exciting thing is God gives me the desire and the power to do what pleases him (Philippians 2:13). This is my favorite verse!! God gives me the desire and the power!!! My part is to seek after him... to hide his word in my heart. There can be so much that I have trouble remembering ...but, God makes sure that his word is there for me when I need it!!! God has changed my life in amazing ways!!! I still have the same sweet husband, the same wonderful kids... I have all that I could ever ask for!!... Now I am free from anxiety..yes it tries to creep up on me...but I rebuke it with God's word... I am free from depression... I have moments of depression, maybe a day here and there...but I don't have weeks of it anymore!! I do have joy!!! and peace!!...Amazing joy and peace...I find joy in the smallest things... When something makes me smile...which I do often...I know without a doubt, that the thing that just made me smile was a gift from God that he meant especially for me!! Now I know that I am truly loved by God...me, full of faults me...God loves me!! He loves me so much...i actually feel it in my being!! God loves me!
God can change us!! God makes us whole! Our part is to seek after him...when we do he will give us the desire and the power to do what pleases him.